I've been thinking about how utterly fast my life seems to be passing by, and yet how often I feel as if the hours and days are dragging with unending drudgery.
It seems as if college graduation and dating and marrying and all of the wonderful memories of childhood were just minutes away, and yet sometimes I feel so entrapped by boredom that I can't think of a show to watch or a single book to read or a project to accomplish.
I don't wish boredom, sluggishness, or drifting on anyone. But I think that feeling this way sometimes, or for a season, is just a reality of our human condition.
What I've realized, though, is that these feelings of dullness are just that: mine, and not the world's. It is the fog of my unroused self that blinds me to the reality around me which is bursting at the seams with goodness and passion and suffering and beauty and intensity.
When I fall back into myself, I close myself off to being touched and moved by the wonder of the world around me, and more importantly, the incredible beauty of the humans with whom I share my life.
Looking back now, I regret every day that passed by when I clicked the next episode but I didn't text "I love you" to my dad. I regret the moments when I was so ingrained in my own affairs that I forgot to tell my husband how much I loved and appreciated him before he walked out the door.
I regret the moments wasted when beautiful things could have been created, precious moments shared, or love expressed to those that needed it most, if only I had stopped being so bored and embraced a holy boldness to make it happen.
Don't wait until you feel inspired or energized or uplifted. Don't wait until you feel enabled or equipped to be the person you are called to be.
For you are called to be that person now, and even when the dullness of the present numbs you to the beautiful things that are out there for the taking, never let it make you hesitate to seize an opportunity to act, to speak, to do.
Time is passing away, and as much as I wish I had the clear-sightedness to know all of the answers and be inspired and never be bored again, I want my prayer to be "deliver me, O God, from dullness and inactivity."
Grant me enough restlessness in this life, and a will sharp enough to speak now and do without hesitating and love without counting the cost.
For, as Sertillanges writes, "the Spirit passes and returns not. Happy the man who hold himself ready not to miss, nay, rather to bring about, and to utilize the miraculous encounter!"